Money dates: how to talk to your partner about your finances
Most people don’t want to talk about money on a first date, and it can be a bigger taboo in relationships than sex, politics or religion. But however unromantic, having conversations about how you manage your cash is important.
According to counselling service Relate, money worries are the most common reason for relationship difficulties. “Tackling the topic early on avoids the potential for resentments to emerge later and lead to more destructive arguments,” says a Relate counsellor, Peter Saddington.
Early on you could start by, for example, asking someone if they are a spender or saver, or what they dream of achieving with their money, in order to understand your respective financial situations.
“If there are issues later – debts, bills, or how much you want to save, or not – it’s more likely to be something you can do successfully, without rupturing the relationship, as money is already a topic you discuss,” adds Saddington.
As a relationship becomes more serious and your lives more entwined, there will be conversations about money that must be had. You will need to find a way to be clear about your expectations – for example, whether and to what extent you want to merge your finances, and what expenses will be shared.
If you are struggling to start these conversations, take the pressure off by suggesting you both write down, separately, how you want to manage your finances as a couple, before sitting down to compare and agree on anything.
“Money can be an emotional issue, so it needs a practical approach, where each partner feels listened to,” says Arabella Russell, a couples psychotherapist. “I’d encourage drawing up a plan of the points you need to address so that you’re prepared for the conversation, and approach it
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